You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
