I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
