last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
