THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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