I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
