a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Found your dick twin last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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