I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
