I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
