Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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