The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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