all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
