You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
