Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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