I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
