the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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