The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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