did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
