Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
