We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
