I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm always down for nudity.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
