Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
