i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i want to swaddle you in tequila
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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