Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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