If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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