I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
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Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
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That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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