I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
