Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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