I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
