she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
