But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
