Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
