Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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