I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Watching her eat just hurts me
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
