never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
