Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
