its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
