the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize