I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
