I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
