your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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