I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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