at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
