I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
