I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I made him laugh his dick is mine
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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