There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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