Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
