Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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