Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this will be a night to untag.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
