Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
