I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
from now on my penis is your penis
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
