I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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