girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
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I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.