This is not my ceiling
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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