i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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