I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
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I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.