i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just had sex on a roof
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame