4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
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You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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