so that wasnt chicken after all
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
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He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo