This girl is more easily done than said...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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