It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
