I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
