is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
