i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
