So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
