Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Come share oat with me in your robe
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
