That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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