All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize