Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
