I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
