If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
